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Should we keep looking for the love of our lives?

Unrealistic expectations of partners and relationships lead to breakups and loneliness. To avoid this, it is worth changing your understanding of love.

The idea of romantic love assumes that when you meet the one and only person, love will happen between you immediately, you will be perfect for each other and you will never quarrel. In other words, love is the reason for the relationship. And over time, this feeling doesn't change - you still live happily and peacefully with your "second half."

A more workable way is to think of love not as the cause of the relationship, but as its consequence.

Dating a person should not expect full compliance with your requirements and suddenly burst out an unrelenting passion. Instead, try to think of intimacy as something that develops, like a long journey or unfinished work, and that starts small: friendship, comfort with each other, and common interests.

Surely with some people, this will not work: it makes no sense to continue a relationship in which there is room for physical or emotional violence. But perhaps it makes sense to fight for a relationship that does not conform to modern notions of ideal love.

Quiet - "companionship," as psychologists call it - love, according to research only strengthens over time, lasts longer, and brings more happiness, than passionate love - the kind that believers in soul mates expect

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